Life is indeed such a wonderful thing. God given, unexplained, parents brought me here, the stork dropped of the package, or the ever famous phrase: "Err, my parents picked me up from the pasarmalam (night market)?!"
Life has always been a puzzle to mankind. At least, for now, it's puzzling to me as well. "Why am I here?", "Is there a reason for me being here on Earth?". All sorta questions rambling on and on in my head, often without an answer. And most of the time, it's when I am either walking or driving, when's there's nothing I can actually do (with focus) other than THINK. In this case, QUESTION. So many questions left unanswered. I guess everyones' the same - we all have these questions in our heads and minds that are left unanswered, unattended to - maybe - we are just procrastinating, too busy or simply not bothered. Others probably too contented with life.
Well, as for me, I am always bogged down with new things. And with new things (eventhough it brings new "challenges"), comes unchartered territories which I am not sure what the next course of action will be. And how to react to things. Being afraid to act and disappointed in not having results nor delivering results also makes the whole thing bigger in proportion! Lost me already. Well, trust me, everybody gets lost sometimes!
FEAR. Someone once said that we all live life in fear. Live life in fear. We fear our parents when we were young - that's why we take out the garbage and sweep the yard, fear our teachers - that's why we complete our homework, we fear our bosses - so that they don't sack us and scold us in front of our clients, we fear God and lastly, we are afraid of ourselves. Afraid that we might be too rich and famous? I fear not. I think it's fear there's no us. Ego, in that sense. 3 little alphabets that cause civilizations to kill, murder and rape just for power and ego. How small a word can make a world we live in today, full of fear.
It's sad that many like myself; compare, compare and compare with others what others have and what we don't. Until, 1 fine day when we realise that there's others that don't have what we have. There's a saying that my friend truly lives by "Don't question why my shoes are ugly, imagine someone without feet". At least it sure sounds like that. So why compare? When we stop comparing, that's when compare changes to contentment. Something no one can do in this world. No one. It's so difficult to be contented with even ourselves. Remember the last time we went shopping and wanted to buy ourselves that nice little thing all for ourselves. Still want it? :) And even after obtaining it, it's still not enough. Sigh. Double sigh. And what about whenever we check ourselves in the mirror and realise there's this small hair / zit right abou t there. Don't we wish we were the handsome David Beckhams or Posh Spices of this world. Maybe not all.
It's just with a heavy heart that I would like to share my discontentment. Discontentment about myself, with myself. Many has said that my expectations of myself far exceeds anyone else without the same time frame. That I am over-stressing myself. But that's me. That's just me. Hmmm.. meditation called for. Does swimming-meditation count?
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3 days ago